All I seem to see are kids…..

Parents complaining about never having free time. Parents yelling at their kids cause they are frustrated from the day to day stresses of raising kids. I watch all of this going on around me and my stomach gets tight…..

How long I wished for a break…. So many times I would fantasize,  if I didn’t  have the kids and could have all of my time for me, for a change…

I wake up today knowing I won’t see my kids faces, other than in pictures that just seem to make me feel worse.

I sit here in the silence thinking to myself,  “I am missing it all” ….. it seems like so long ago since I have gotten to live with my kids….6 years!? Is that right?…..

They come, they go….every goodbye harder than the last.

I get to sit and focus on the fact that someone else is raising my kids. Someone else will be instilling something else in my kids, setting them on a path for the rest of their lives….. and here I sit.  Far far away, knowing that just like every other time in my life, I came to my senses after it was too late.

Here I sit, thinking about the selfishness that drove them away in the first place… I never wanted them to leave…… I just wanted me time.

Now I have all the time in the world……to sit in silence and repeat, “Be careful what you wish for, you may just get more than you hoped for.”

Come hell or high water I will always be there for my kids….I just don’t get to be with them….be careful what you wish for.

The silence,  the “peace” is deafening.

Cherish the insanity of parenthood, because whether it be divorce or simply by the course of time they will be gone. And you will sit and think…man I miss the chaos that drove me so nuts.

Learn from me, the peace,and quite sounds like a dream come true….but it’s a trap….. horrible, devastating, and silent.  

Grab your child right now, hold them close and love them with everything you’ve got, before it’s too late.

Written by: Justin Ludwig 05-13-16

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