I said goodbye to my kids yet again recently. After saying all I could say, after about a million hugs and kisses I closed the car door and watched them drive away. As I was watching them leave, all of their little hands popped up in the rear window, waving goodbye to me.
It’s a scene that is way too familiar to me. The heartbreak of knowing that my kids are going away…and there is absolutely nothing I could do about it.
Countless what if’s swirling in my head, consuming my thoughts. The pain, the fear and sadness… I simply cannot put it into words.
As soon as they were out of sight I went inside, straight into the bathroom and began to cry. As I am sitting there a lyric started in my head that I still can’t get out, and it goes like this,
“My Master told a parable once, that we should pray and not lose heart. When we face the corruption of life, He says come boldly, and trust Me.”
I kept repeating it over and over again, “Come boldly, and trust Me.” As I’m singing this lyric over and over again I suddenly stop… I recognized something within myself. A feeling that had no place in that moment of pain, and sorrow…. a feeling of excitement.
I almost didn’t recognize it because of all of the hurt. As I focused on this feeling lingering beneath the surface I felt the Spirit’s comfort as I realized…. He is going to do something with this.
It wasn’t a pep talk I was giving myself, reminding me to trust Him. It was more of a proclamation, a definite fact being told to me.
And in that moment I felt honored to be the one going through this. I felt humbled that my pain is going to bring about something amazing. It’s a slippery truth to hold onto because I have no idea what He is working on. It could be a blessing for my kids…. for me, or simply others will gain hope because they will see God coming through for me with all of this going on…. and I get to be a part of it.
..by no means am I saying that I am without fear…. I am not saying that this revealed knowledge squelched my pain and now I am great…. because I am not.
What I am saying is, I asked God to use me…. now He is. The question I have to ask myself is, is He going to drag me kicking and screaming or will I stand up and walk with Him, resting in the truth that He is good, always.
Never lose heart people, He is trustworthy