There is an expression that I have thought and even said on more than one occasion and that is “I don’t want to be an adult today”.
It is a feeling that I think everyone could identify with at least at one point in their life. “I don’t want to be an adult today, because just want to go have some fun.”, “I don’t want to be an adult today, I want to just stay in bed and watch Netflix.”
But the reality of the situation is, when I feel like this, even though I don’t want to be an adult today, it does not change the fact that I am an adult, and that is just the way it is.
There is another expression that comes to mind that I feel is just as common, but rarely said out loud, and that is “I don’t want to be a Christian today.”
I will be the first to admit that I have thought and felt this on more than one occasion “I don’t want to be a Christian today because I wanted to call this person up and tell them exactly why I am pissed”, “I don’t want to be a Christian today so I can do “xyz””, “I don’t want to be a Christian today because I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and it just wasn’t fair!!!”
These feelings are not only understandable but they are a very real sign that we are on the right track. We need to recognize that these desires are not showing how weak our faith is, but they are reminding us that the Holy Spirit is right there with us. Otherwise the thought “I wish I wasn’t a Christian” wouldn’t even occur to us until after we satisfied our want.
People, just like being an adult, being a Christian is simply the fact that we recognize the truth…. and just because we feel a certain way does not change that truth.
I share this with you because our walk with God is not an easy one. In fact, it is damn hard. But you are not alone. Everyone of us has these feelings, and the devil gets off on telling us to keep it to ourselves, isolating us in our struggle, making us weaker.
This topic came to mind because of something I said to my wife the other day. To say we were on overload would be an understatement. It was one of those all too familiar days when I don’t feel God. I just feel the hurt, pain and stress. So many different things all happening at once, I just wanted to collapse. I walked over to her, put my arms around her and closed my eyes, just to catch my breath.
Then without thinking something came out of my mouth, “Being a Christian is so hard, when I don’t wanna be one”….
Those days, when we don’t want to be a Christian, are the moments when we need to cling to God with everything that we’ve got. Some days, all it feels like we are doing is barely hanging on…. and that is a beautiful thing.
Anybody can live for God when the blessings and comfort are just pouring down on them. But when we are under attack, and doubt everything that we have come to believe, we need grab onto God like a child who clutches onto his mother’s leg because he doesn’t want her to leave.
These are the moments we need to recognize as opportunities to strengthen our faith. These are the opportunities to let God show us that He can be trusted. When everything inside of us is telling us that we are justified to act a certain way, when we convince ourselves that God won’t come through for us… that God doesn’t really love us, that I might as well give up…
These feelings and thoughts simply do not change the facts.
Our head will lie to us, our feelings will shift with each passing struggle or blessing….
Sometimes when my head, my pain or my demons are screaming so loud, it is all I can hear, I have to force myself to focus on the truth that everything in me wants to disregard. That God is working, that He is not capable of failing me, and that I truly am loved by Him in such a way that cannot be explained by mere words.
I wanted to share this with you for the simple fact that I don’t want anybody to think that they are the only one. I don’t want anyone to think that when they have to force their faith on those days when we don’t want to be a Christian that they are a fake. Quite the contrary, in those dark times, when life is just too hard, I always remind myself, It is time to put my money where my mouth is, and let God come through for me.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” -Hebrews 11:1
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” -Isaiah 43:2
“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” -1 John 4:16
“My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge.” -Ps 62:7
Writteb by: Justin Ludwig