If you understand, I am sorry for your struggle. You are not alone.
Today I forgot something I remembered.
I recognized a familiar unidentifiable smell that wasn’t there. How can I know that it wasn’t there? Because it is always there in those moments. Random yet countless circumstances, locations, mindsets, substances, no substances, you name it.
A smell in the back of my throat just shy of a taste, ushering in internal anarchy manifested by all consuming terror. A realization, a memory perhaps…In 20 plus years always the same, never identified. Just on the outskirts of my vision. This looming, thing is revealed for a jiffy…to fast to comprehend
Then, absolute horror of literally everything and absolutely nothing at exactly the same time…the silence literally screams.
Nowhere to run, nothing to run from. Completely consumed by a tornado, simply hanging on….then
Silence, stillness, only breath