If you understand, I am sorry for your struggle. You are not alone.

Today I forgot something I remembered.

I recognized a familiar unidentifiable smell that wasn’t there. How can I know that it wasn’t there? Because it is always there in those moments. Random yet countless circumstances, locations, mindsets, substances, no substances, you name it.

A smell in the back of my throat just shy of a taste, ushering in internal anarchy manifested by all consuming terror. A realization, a memory perhaps…In 20 plus years always the same, never identified. Just on the outskirts of my vision. This looming, thing is revealed for a jiffy…to fast to comprehend

Then, absolute horror of literally everything and absolutely nothing at exactly the same time…the silence literally screams.

Nowhere to run, nothing to run from. Completely consumed by a tornado, simply hanging on….then

Silence, stillness, only breath

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