Shame, Heartbreak and Broken

Where’d she go!?
    choking on my heart
Frantic to remove it
 Where’s that knife?
Wait…
    I believe it’s still in my back

NO RELIEF!!!

….. guilt trips
     Woes me!?…..
          NO!!
       I only blame me, same as you
   Rest easy princess
Still punishing myself
Take solace in my devastation
    Your help isn’t needed
   ……do you hate me so?
 did all the love dissolve away?
      leaving only a spiteful residue
    Though it seems you forgot
         Loyalty
     pain
        ME…..
If change was with ease
   I wouldn’t have lost my All
    I can’t help who I am
    I tried for you….
I failed.         
……   you gotta set me free


Written by: Justin Ludwig sometime between 1999-2012

Shackles of Yesterday 

​ …….selfish

 Consumed by a lifestyle obsession     

         Destroyed my heart

Suddenly 

    Morbid thoughts take hold 

        Futile escaping the pain 

    Indescribable aching of the soul   

                 Freedom

        sorely needed 

                Unlikely 

     Aware previously

                but blinded 

          Contradictions

         Desperate to forget 

   Unwilling 

       Move on!

  Impossible…..

Written by: Justin Ludwig sometime between 1999-2012

I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14

Love in the Darkness 

​Drowning in a sea of faces 

      Breathing 

           suffocating

              Merely surviving

  …… to what end!?

 one of a billion helpless souls 

            breath, fear, doomed 

        Resides 

  …….festers to the final breath 

      in the silence I welcome the end 

       My eyes close…..

   they open facing an angel 

    a million questions 

       She smiled

    all answered….

My savior 

    A million more…..

           …those can wait 

                   for I feel

Written by: Justin Ludwig sometime between 1999-2012 (Mel Inspiration #2B)

I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14

Surrender 

​Greatest Enemy 

             oneself 

      sickening irony 

       Its one in the same 

           the problem 

             the solution 

        infuriating cycle 

               Halt the cycle!

       Reality, what is it

   Unbelievably painful 

         Life’s Deal

    Futile winning

      …… simply procrastinating

Written by: Justin Ludwig sometime between 1999-2012

I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14

Wandering 

​ Begin journey 

          an eternity ago

    fixed on a destination

          the only oasis  

              years I traveled 

          fixed on a point 

   this point I saw

Every night as slept 

          As I dreamt 

I felt mad 

        …….for it dreamed of me 

it was my purpose 

       To stand in my dream

 Basking in it with my waking eyes

            so I trudged on 

then night came

       I lost my way 

 unaware how

  Faith, dreams Drive

         Unchanged 

               So I continued

         on and on… confused, So long the dream began to change

         …… gone

 til it’s not

Written by: Justin Ludwig sometime between 1999-2012

I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14

Alone, I am Not

​Unexplainable bond 

    Shared by few 

     Fortunately 

  Appreciated presently 

    Skeptical Still 

  Bond or blood 

     A strong will 

    Suffers undeservingly 

       Wrong or right 

 Alone I’m not 

       Proven failure 

            Repetition  ensues  

 Seeing what is yet unseen 

    Faith 

     Support 

 Forgiveness 

   Deserved?

   …. Not a chance 

            Yet…..

 Remarkably 

 Previously seen in solitude 

       Emerges for some….yet

 Must be understood 

          Support’s the key 

 I hold the key I once shunned 

     A lone drive 

       Long awaited hope 

                Awakens in the depths 

  Differing for all 

          Personally 

   Abandonment of ignorance 

Construction been underway 

     To fill the void 

              Myself 

  …..Unimportant 

            Support never ending

      Awoke a dormant urge 

 A sudden awakening 

            Waste 

  No more 

     Tomorrow is lost 

 Voyage commences instantly 

             Bottom line

        Those never halting 

     Inspire something 

  Unfamiliar situation 

      Alone I’m not 

Written by: Justin Ludwig sometime between 1999-2012.

I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14

Demons Within

​open uncertainty

 coarse

         direction?

quite the contrary

  simple outcome

         what!?

bowing to my demons

     ……they’re lurking       

    stagnant and many

thirsting, craving, lusting

   Famished for pain

 Chaos 

Self inflicted annihalation 

  …no reasoning

     motives unclear

delving into the abyss

shall I emerge victorious?

 …..I  am uncertain

Written by: Justin Ludwig sometime between 1999-2012.

I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14