I can’t help but sit and ponder

Why i always had to wander

Never able to hold My mask

Twas cemented by that hypnotic flask

Seemed every time i began to mend

Destruction loomed just around the bend

Pain was All i could control

took Foolish pride in that painful mold

ALL was lost in the First drop

Loathing myself too much to stop

Such self hate

my DOMINate trait

Chaos birthed pain

my pain left scars

My dreams of peace… they feel like Mars

Far away, a distant dot

Reseved myself to simply rot

Reasons still unknown to me

No move left so i drop to plea

“Oh Lord, i don’t know what to do

my only hope is turn to You

Why did i choose a life like this.

It’s what I ponder gazing at my wrists

Oh my God so many marks

Made alone trapped in My dark

Lost in tears I hears Him say

“My son, look up, it’s a brand new day

I AM always here

I know it’s hard but please don’t fear

I’ll guide your steps

I’ll fill your heart

From you I will not depart

TAKE a breath

you are now safe

All I ask is you keep the faith

I died for you, and I’ll do more

So pick yourself up off the floor

I’m here My son

I’ll watch your back

Simply cut yourself some slack

QUIT asking how you’ll clear the dross

I already did while on that cross

It’s finished son

Welcome home my boy

This is for you

My unending joy