Victorious Surrender 

I fought my whole life…. I fought against an enemy that cannot be seen but that most are familiar with. An enemy that whispers into our ear that we are not good enough….. an enemy that won’t let us forget our mistakes…. an enemy that tells us that there is no hope for us. Being completely honest, I was losing this fight in a very real and devastating  way most of my life.

It wasn’t until I stopped fighting and surrendered that these lies lost their power over me and I felt something I had never experienced before…. hope.

Thank You Jesus setting me free! 

Written by: Justin Ludwig 

Silent Reminders

The darkness shouts at me
  do you remember?
….you remember
Tick tick tick
  Another day without you
Another day done
  It’s maddening
Time clicks and everyone adjusts
……but i don’t
 Covered by grace
    This stays raw
it’s renewed at every click
… I don’t know how to stop it
Perhaps I don’t want to
 they are mine
   I am theirs
tick tick tick
 I remember in the silence
   

Written by: Justin Ludwig

The Conflict

The conflict of what could have been

Many landmines missed

        many precious moments too

         So much anger

    So much love

   …..what could have been

the picture perfect idea tattered and faded

   Distant but always with me

It’s not her I miss, it’s the idea

      It’s not the idea I miss, It’s them

An outsider in every circle

    I….

 ….what could have been

this isn’t how it’s supposed to be

   this is how it had to be

It breaks my heart

  yet I am blessed

Written by: Justin Ludwig

A Father’s Visit

​Anticipation, anxiety, excitement 

  A whirlwind, so fast

….so slow

     It’s not like it was

how could it be

     Love overflowing

  Roaring like a river

Rocks of insecurity, regret and hurt cut the flow

…..the precious moments sting

   They are priceless through

In the blink of an eye

   Silence, distance…..waiting 

The love will always grow 

Written by: Justin Ludwig 

A Father’s Heart

​Awakened by my thoughts

   Thoughts of what’s in store

Do they miss me 

   Do they want me

      …..I can’t wait to hold them

So much to say…

   Ends up in babble

So much love…..

   My thoughts keep me awake

Do they know

   …..I do 

 It’s the little things

A quarter in this time is significant 

…..do they know I long for them

Hours until I see them

….. I am afraid 

   Afraid of them not knowing

Written by: Justin Ludwig 

Dreams

​I had a dream last night….

I was in a house right at the beach, it was perfect. My wife and I were there, walking through the house, just laughing and basking in the life we had…. I heard it first, a low rumbling, distant but distinct. My whole body got tight as my eyes shot over to my wife. It was clear that she didn’t hear it. I walked over to the window, expecting to see the same beautiful view I had gazed over a thousand times before. 

I walked to the window and I saw it. A tidal wave, a wall of water that stretched higher to the heavens than my eyes could even reach….it was so big. I turned to my wife who was still chatting away, I grabbed her hand and whispered,  “Run.”

We were running so hard, I recognized the path, but at that moment the familiarity was the last thing on my mind. The roaring was causing a vibration that penetrated me to my core. I remember my wife’s hand, that was my focus, well that and the enormous wave promising our complete destruction….. 

“Don’t let go, keep running”, was all I could repeat. I felt the mist of the water lightly kissing my neck, almost taunting me. We crested a hill and stopped, completely exhausted and turned to look. We turned around expecting the wave to slam into us…. 

Strangely I was looking through the same window on my indoor patio that revealed this monster wave in the first place. Somehow my house came with us. I don’t know how, but we were back in that house. Looking out that window, gazing at the blue water that had just destroyed everything in its path…..it was quite, very quite. We both had a puzzled look on our face, looking back from the window, to each other’s eyes, and back to the window again…..silence.

We let out a deep sigh of relief, and as soon as our shoulders relaxed we heard it. It was like freight train, so much louder than the last time. I didn’t look up to the window at first, I already knew…..then it went dark. I looked up and there was another wave, this one was so large it blocked the sky and blotted out the sun. I shot my gaze to my wife, my eyes filled with terror. She asked me, “run?” I grabbed her, pulled her close and said, “We can’t outrun this one. It’s too big, there’s no time.” 

I grabbed my wife, pulled her close and closed my eyes. I told her how much I loved her, I told her it would be over soon….that everything would be ok, we have each other, right here, right now. I held her so tight…… then, darkness.

Written by: Justin Ludwig