Self Inflicted Perspective

My time-line doesn’t matter

Recollected flashes

Moments magnified by the entirety

Minimized by the moments

Juvenile jests made clear


nothing more

Simplicity complicates Simplicity

to me


don’t know

Suddenly awake

Aware of internal animosity

At me

….always me

Most would disagee

Outward appearance

a fiscade

So cleverly orchestrated

i was my lie

To cope

Sincerely believed

Truth shattered lies

Lies diluted perception of truth

No more


Five Minute Eternity

Five Minute Eternity

If you understand, I am sorry for your struggle. You are not alone.

Today I forgot something I remembered.

I recognized a familiar unidentifiable smell that wasn’t there. How can I know that it wasn’t there? Because it is always there in those moments. Random yet countless circumstances, locations, mindsets, substances, no substances, you name it.

A smell in the back of my throat just shy of a taste, ushering in internal anarchy manifested by all consuming terror. A realization, a memory perhaps…In 20 plus years always the same, never identified. Just on the outskirts of my vision. This looming, thing is revealed for a jiffy…to fast to comprehend

Then, absolute horror of literally everything and absolutely nothing at exactly the same time…the silence literally screams.

Nowhere to run, nothing to run from. Completely consumed by a tornado, simply hanging on….then

Silence, stillness, only breath

:Nothing Unanswered

Nothing Unanswered

        hurts to breathe

to move is worse

             like a victim of a curse

all alone

no way out

            fuck it all I want to die

Problem is my kids would cry

then ask mommy why did daddy die

He was sick, she would sigh

That’s the reason I can’t die

 Written by: Justin Ludwig  between 1999-2012.

I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story.