We all make mistakes in our lives. Some we learn from, rectify and move on. Others follow us until the day we die. If we take those we love for granted, it will haunt us until the very end. Don’t fool yourself into believing that you deserve what you have been blessed with. Right this second, stop what you are doing, call your children, call your spouse, and tell them.
Written by: Justin Ludwig
Where’d she go!?
choking on my heart
Frantic to remove it
Where’s that knife?
Wait…
I believe it’s still in my back
NO RELIEF!!!
….. guilt trips
Woes me!?…..
NO!!
I only blame me, same as you
Rest easy princess
Still punishing myself
Take solace in my devastation
Your help isn’t needed
……do you hate me so?
did all the love dissolve away?
leaving only a spiteful residue
Though it seems you forgot
Loyalty
pain
ME…..
If change was with ease
I wouldn’t have lost my All
I can’t help who I am
I tried for you….
I failed.
…… you gotta set me free
Written by: Justin Ludwig sometime between 1999-2012
Today, is a brand new day.
A new day to do better than yesterday… it is not a day to beat yourself for not doing better yesterday. I feel someone needed to hear that this morning. Whoever you are, this is for you.
Your past doesn’t dictate your future, today does, live accordingly.
“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on towardthe goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 3:13-14
Written by: Justin Ludwig
I was suddenly overwhelmed by the Spirit to tell you, this very second, that God loves you so much. That sin that nobody knows about, that secret shame that you are carrying. God want you to know that He knows… and He says “it’s ok, He loves you.”
We have a hard time forgiving ourselves…… loving ourselves. Never forget that God adores you, right in your mess, your mistakes,and your sin. You are loved, and that will never change.
Written by: Justin Ludwig
175 pulling 1000
Why
Regret Self-loathing
All bets called in
It can’t be covered
……what to do
Start now
Hurt
Pain
Misery
My juice
my price
For giving up heaven
Not yours
Mine
Unique Special
One of those miracles
So bright…..
….So bright
At least
I punish myself
It’s gone before you see what you had.
Burned in your retina
then you see
…….what you lost
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
Gasping for life
silent battle
the dead of the end
the beginning again
the past screams
again and again
muted shouts fill life
self incarceration
Trapped
Stifling freedom constricts me
guilt
Shame
Labels too shallow
too much to indulge
simmering it seems
it seems
…waiting
for a cataclysmic event
but it passed
long long ago … even if yesterday
tomorrow
another yesterday
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
Gazing, the wreckage
its entirety
awestricking Sickening
amazing
how much I lost on my journey
…..to right here
bedrock is nowhere left to hide
the destruction
easily avoided
looking back
helpless
I’ve…
……stopped?
folding the fight
all remaining
reality checks
never ending
stifling
humbling
my journey
saved from myself
is just beginning
if……
Written by: Justin Ludwig December 9, 2011.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
A beauty entwined
So tightly there is no end or start
I’m drawn to the flame
So bright I lose direction
blinded most would stop
I fly faster
tumbling on all axises
Faster
searing pain
I do not falter
faster faster
the heat deteriorating me
I do not falter
Within my grasp
on empty
Burned, blind and agony
….silence
Darkness
I wake alone
Pain my certainty
Pride my solitary emotion
for my heart I followed
I can’t regret what I’ve done
because it can’t be undone
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
Last call
Heard from the virgin ears of a lush.
Tomorrow
Somehow became today
what happened?
Defecation
on your dreams
your life
your goddamn soul
what happened?
fuck poetic phrases
I blew it
…..now I wallow
Not in pity
In hate
Self despair
it’s tough, no fronting
pointing the finger
… it’s always a suicidal finger
at least…..
at least
I punish myself
I blew it
…all of it
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
All I seem to see are kids…..
Parents complaining about never having free time. Parents yelling at their kids cause they are frustrated from the day to day stresses of raising kids. I watch all of this going on around me and my stomach gets tight…..
How long I wished for a break…. So many times I would fantasize, if I didn’t have the kids and could have all of my time for me, for a change…
I wake up today knowing I won’t see my kids faces, other than in pictures that just seem to make me feel worse.
I sit here in the silence thinking to myself, “I am missing it all” ….. it seems like so long ago since I have gotten to live with my kids….6 years!? Is that right?…..
They come, they go….every goodbye harder than the last.
I get to sit and focus on the fact that someone else is raising my kids. Someone else will be instilling something else in my kids, setting them on a path for the rest of their lives….. and here I sit. Far far away, knowing that just like every other time in my life, I came to my senses after it was too late.
Here I sit, thinking about the selfishness that drove them away in the first place… I never wanted them to leave…… I just wanted me time.
Now I have all the time in the world……to sit in silence and repeat, “Be careful what you wish for, you may just get more than you hoped for.”
Come hell or high water I will always be there for my kids….I just don’t get to be with them….be careful what you wish for.
The silence, the “peace” is deafening.
Cherish the insanity of parenthood, because whether it be divorce or simply by the course of time they will be gone. And you will sit and think…man I miss the chaos that drove me so nuts.
Learn from me, the peace,and quite sounds like a dream come true….but it’s a trap….. horrible, devastating, and silent.
Grab your child right now, hold them close and love them with everything you’ve got, before it’s too late.
Written by: Justin Ludwig 05-13-16
Photo from: http://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1380393154i/756862._SY540_.jpg
Nothing Unanswered
hurts to breathe
to move is worse
like a victim of a curse
all alone
no way out
fuck it all I want to die
Problem is my kids would cry
then ask mommy why did daddy die
He was sick, she would sigh
That’s the reason I can’t die
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
: Unyieldingly Heartache
Uncertain
what’s to come
paralyzed in the past
when devil ran rampant
hurt those few
the ones I love
…..my eyes opened just in time to see everything slip away
I’ll never forget……
they drove away taking my heart with them
no one to blame except me……
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
: Blinding Hindsight
there was a time I had it all
now when I think, it makes me bawl
I had my dream
I pissed away
blind until it was too late
Now all I have is self hate
how can this have become my fate
she was the one
I let her slip
slip away
Frozen in time
….. in time I cannot forget the pain
that painful day
I had to watch her, drive away
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
:Solo Mutiny
Enemy infiltration
a double agent out for blood
silently
methodically
it destroys the enemy
if seen it will be too late
conniving
manipulating
consuming with bloodlust
knowledge of his presence
………seen you cannot be stopped
cannibalism to a sickening degree
Welcome to me, a puppet master
sadistically pulling the strings
every puppet dances
They dance with such shame, remorse and self-loathing
two choices
cut the strings and run or just dance the dance
Those that dance free…… we envy those few
For we still dance
Just not like you
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012, when sin, darkness and addiction consumed me.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
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"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."
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But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
Truth be told
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