Grace…. His love for us is so far beyond our finite comprehension….. To fathom the mind of God is truly a humbling experience. An impossible journey into Something so far beyond us that it truly boggles the mind.
When I think about His love and grace I find myself constrained by my very human thinking, how could I not?…. the depths of His grace and love is so far beyond any of our comprehension…. I always pray that this extremely crucial truth in written on each and every saint’s heart and that every single one of us focuses on this truth deeply and often.
I cannot stress enough that this is not me preaching!!! This is me desperately wanting every person to understand how free, and how loved they are, even if they don’t fully comprehend it. There are Christians still shackled in the illusion that they are not forgiven. They carry around such guilt and shame….. they doubt that God loves them or their very salvation. THIS CAN NOT STAND! We all must understand the reality of what we have been given and share this truth so that no one is fooled by this lie from hell!
A quick glimpse into me, I have always been the hardest on myself. I have a feeling quite a few of you can relate to with me on this. Even when people would forgive me, I couldn’t accept it. I would continue to beat myself up over mistakes, both intentional or not. I never felt I was being adequately punished, (whatever that means) so as a result I carried a lot of guilt.
In hindsight, this inability to forgive myself was one of the more effective chains that satan used to successfully bind me for so many years. I was unaware of the grace of Christ at the time but the self condemnation took me into such darkness that I had no hint of light……I was consumed by the darkness of self hated.
This is a tactic used by the enemy continuously in the hearts and minds of believers and non believers alike. He wants us to forget the fact that we already have victory. He wants us to doubt our salvation….. he is constantly whispering, because he wants us to doubt our worth based on our mistakes.
“Am I really saved?”,”I keep messing up, I must not be saved because I keep sinning.” How many of us have said or at least thought this at some point as a believer?
And for the non believer, “How could God forgive me!? I can’t even forgive myself!!! I deserve punishment, pain and every bad thing. You don’t understand what I have done!! My past is unforgivable!”….. this quote right here was the truth of my condition until Holy Spirit changed my heart, praise God!!
I am going to be real with you, my heart still aches over a time a yelled at my son because he wanted me for something but I was too busy… This random moment, like a million others, randomly come to mind…. Sometimes I shrug them off and other times they take root. The enemy’s whispers have the ability to drag me/you down to a place of darkness. I begin to feel the familiar pull of self loathing, guilt and hatred that I had carried all of my life.
I kid you not y’all, spiritual warfare is for real and we are always vulnerable while on this earth. We have protection and power yes. But the reality is there is an enemy and he is specifically after you and me. And if we don’t hold close to Holy Spirit and other believers, we will not make it!
We must know what we believe and we must know how to stand up against the devil’s schemes, lies and tricks!
This place of self condemnation robs us of basking in the scandalous grace that God has already given us. I can only speak my story, because it’s the only one I know. And for me, these self condemning whispers are a reality for me to this day….the enemy is always pulling at me. Trying to use my very human thinking against me…. and he will do the same to you.
Sometimes the guilt of our mistakes allows the enemy a foothold. We feel we don’t deserve to be forgiven so we condemn ourselves. The beautiful truth is, we don’t deserve it, but we get it anyways! God’s love and grace is so far beyond our comprehension. Be blessed and bask in the freedom of His amazing grace.
Be blessed and bask in the freedom of His amazing grace.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. Isaiah 41:10
“As far as the east is from the west, so far had He removed our transgressions from us Ps. 103:12
Written by: Justin Ludwig
Tag: shame
Shame, Heartbreak and Broken
Where’d she go!?
choking on my heart
Frantic to remove it
Where’s that knife?
Wait…
I believe it’s still in my back
NO RELIEF!!!
….. guilt trips
Woes me!?…..
NO!!
I only blame me, same as you
Rest easy princess
Still punishing myself
Take solace in my devastation
Your help isn’t needed
……do you hate me so?
did all the love dissolve away?
leaving only a spiteful residue
Though it seems you forgot
Loyalty
pain
ME…..
If change was with ease
I wouldn’t have lost my All
I can’t help who I am
I tried for you….
I failed.
…… you gotta set me free
Written by: Justin Ludwig sometime between 1999-2012
You are Loved
I was suddenly overwhelmed by the Spirit to tell you, this very second, that God loves you so much. That sin that nobody knows about, that secret shame that you are carrying. God want you to know that He knows… and He says “it’s ok, He loves you.”
We have a hard time forgiving ourselves…… loving ourselves. Never forget that God adores you, right in your mess, your mistakes,and your sin. You are loved, and that will never change.
Written by: Justin Ludwig
Drowning in Sin’s Cycle
Gasping for life
silent battle
the dead of the end
the beginning again
the past screams
again and again
muted shouts fill life
self incarceration
Trapped
Stifling freedom constricts me
guilt
Shame
Labels too shallow
too much to indulge
simmering it seems
it seems
…waiting
for a cataclysmic event
but it passed
long long ago … even if yesterday
tomorrow
another yesterday
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
Unyieldingly Heartache
: Unyieldingly Heartache
Uncertain
what’s to come
paralyzed in the past
when devil ran rampant
hurt those few
the ones I love
…..my eyes opened just in time to see everything slip away
I’ll never forget……
they drove away taking my heart with them
no one to blame except me……
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
Blinding Hindsight
: Blinding Hindsight
there was a time I had it all
now when I think, it makes me bawl
I had my dream
I pissed away
blind until it was too late
Now all I have is self hate
how can this have become my fate
she was the one
I let her slip
slip away
Frozen in time
….. in time I cannot forget the pain
that painful day
I had to watch her, drive away
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
Solo Mutiny
:Solo Mutiny
Enemy infiltration
a double agent out for blood
silently
methodically
it destroys the enemy
if seen it will be too late
conniving
manipulating
consuming with bloodlust
knowledge of his presence
………seen you cannot be stopped
cannibalism to a sickening degree
Welcome to me, a puppet master
sadistically pulling the strings
every puppet dances
They dance with such shame, remorse and self-loathing
two choices
cut the strings and run or just dance the dance
Those that dance free…… we envy those few
For we still dance
Just not like you
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012, when sin, darkness and addiction consumed me.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14
Purified by Pain
:Purified by Pain
Unwavering conflict
confusion
birth to a personal enlightenment
a new perspective
achieved only in the darkness
hiding in the wasted soul
Obvious
while the devil smirkes
I sit in agony
FOR he took my life from me
now I remain
Bound and gagged
Silent
darkness
this is what I see
everything clear
What was, is or ever will be
all of it means nothing
I’m helplessly shackled
remain bound
Until I’m not anymore
Written by: Justin Ludwig between 1999-2012, when sin, darkness and addiction consumed me.
I escaped my life of darkness, self destruction & addiction. Click here to read my story. http://wp.me/P7v0VX-14